Topologies

All those sweet reminders

Posted in relationships, something like smut, Uncategorized by Delilah Wood on May 13, 2010

Once in a while (and much more often of late, which pleases me), I get the opportunity to top my favorite top. He is, in reality, a switch, and one of the most experienced full-time submissives I know, but that’s not his life anymore, and for over three years he’s been far more of a Daddy to me than a bottom of any kind.

The urge has been there for him lately, though, as our hearts keep opening to each other more and more. And the way he opens himself to me is so complete that it nearly paralyzes me. When he wishes to give himself to me, he transforms into the most dazzling engraved invitation I have ever seen, delivered by a dirty and bloodied knight on one knee with his head bowing over his outstretched hand. And there I am, without a single pretty dress to wear.

In the face of his impressively masculine body laid bare and trimmed, his ass cleaned out in advance, his blue eyes wide and seeking approval, and all the tools I could want laid out carefully to hand, I almost don’t know what to do to him.

Almost.

It is a truly beautiful thing to watch a piece of smooth, glistening steel disappear into a big hard cock, then have him push it out. A joy beyond reason to fuck a willing ass with a toy the texture and color of his skin until I come screaming. And an intimate and transcendent pleasure to fist him while we both do.

But it was the little things along the way that reminded me of who I am when I top. The way I like to grab his ear and move him around by it. The way I like to stick my fingers in his mouth and feel his teeth, and move his head around by the jaw as if he were a horse I was looking to buy. How I like to grab and squeeze him, both in strong places like pecs and quads and shoulders, and in soft places like sides and insides of elbows. How I like to bite his face and his lip, and just run my hands over and over the lean expanse of him. Mine. Mine. Mine.

He might ask me if I want this or that, if I’d like the knife to run over his skin, or the suction cups for his nipples, or whatever. There are ways in which he wants to please me so much that it can feel like he wants to run the show. And that’s okay, too, because that’s part of how I know what it is I want, which is what this is about. “Do you want the knife?” “No, I want to bite you.” “Do you want to sit and I’ll straddle you facing away?” “No, I want you on your knees with your ass in the air.” Gentle topping from below is just another means of clarifying. Just another way of letting me know what it is I want.

Because I can forget. In work, it was easy to forget. In being with him, in the way he tops me, I can forget everything. For a long time, even when I topped him it was following his lead; in some ways, he’s still teaching me how to fuck with a strap-on.

But more and more, he’s reminding me. He’s bringing me back to what I like, and what I want, and what I need, from him.

And that is truly sweet.

12 Responses

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  1. Katie said, on May 18, 2010 at 11:21 am

    This was lovely. And hot. And I appreciate hearing a more nuanced view of a scene, where the power exchange is there, but often more fluid than it looks on the surface, and no one has to be a Domly McDommerson who can’t take a hint.

  2. ranat said, on July 1, 2010 at 8:57 am

    Something that leaped out at me from this was the idea (or something similar to) that a submissive person can be a mentor, which is something that I’ve looked for. I asked the question about where to find one on Fetlife once, and it seemed like people had never heard of the idea. But it makes sense to me, and feels very beautiful.

    • Delilah Wood said, on August 26, 2010 at 12:30 pm

      I love this idea, and I think it’s entirely possible. Traditionally in gay leather, everyone is a bottom first, but when the bottom “graduates” (if he wishes) to become a top, he has to have someone to play with who is experienced.

      Thing is, the person I’ve learned so much from is a pure switch, if such a thing were possible; he was an owned slave for 8 years, but since then has mostly topped.

      I imagine, though, that there are subs who are very experienced who would be able to help “train” a dominant, if they weren’t so triggered into subspace by everything that they wouldn’t be able to step back a pace and instruct.

      And yes, it does sound beautiful.

  3. [...] All Those Sweet Reminders And the way he opens himself to me is so complete that it nearly paralyzes me. [...]

  4. Carol Anne Caiafa said, on August 21, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    That’s all very well… but what if you’re still struggling to see anything beautiful and hot in men, as I am? I’m still trying to get to where you are and I still don’t feel any desire for males!!!

    • Delilah Wood said, on August 22, 2010 at 10:27 am

      Carol…I’m really trying, here. I’ve been responding to your comments seriously up until now, but this one really just has me stumped. I mean, are you serious? Why on god’s green earth are you trying to be attracted to men if you’re not? Where am I that you’re “trying to get to”??

      It seems like every time one of us posts something here, you either complain that it doesn’t address your attraction-object of choice, or say something inscrutable and annoyed-sounding about how it doesn’t work for you. What do you want? I can’t help you want what you don’t want – and anyway, that’s not what we’re here for.

      • Carol Anne Caiafa said, on August 22, 2010 at 8:06 pm

        Sorry, this was posted in haste. And possibly to the wrong forum – please feel free to delete it if you want.

        I’m sort of trying to get away from a narrow range of attractions and trying to expand towards a larger range of people… possibly this is the wrong place to post about this and I apologize if I have caused you any discomfort or offense.

        • Delilah Wood said, on August 22, 2010 at 10:05 pm

          No *offense,* really, just total confusion.

          But I’m serious about the question: *why*? If you know what you like and you like it, why try to like something else? Isn’t that a bit like trying to become an ex-gay?

          Just because I’m somewhat pan-sexual and switchy doesn’t mean I think that’s the ideal state. I mean christ, my life would be a lot easier if I just liked nice straight boys who would help me pop out babies. Or something. I don’t know.

          I mean, I understand trying to expand horizons when, say, trying new foods. But if you have a sense of who and what you like for sex partners, and other people/types don’t attract you…I’m not sure I understand the problem.

          • Carol Anne Caiafa said, on August 24, 2010 at 1:39 am

            I understand why it would sound confusing. It’s due to a conversation some time ago that I had with someone who seemed to believe that I was “limiting myself” by having such definite preferences. If that person was kind of a “concern troll” I wouldn’t pay them much mind, but they are someone I respect a lot. Maybe I shouldn’t be so concerned about this – but the idea of being pan-sexual and switchy sounds like a really nice idea. I write about a lot of characters who are like that in fan fiction, after all… so I get the idea that it can be a lot of fun.

            But yeah… I think you’re right about this. Maybe the “expanding horizons” idea really doesn’t apply to sexuality 100% of the time. To use your food analogy again, for example, if someone I knew was a committed vegetarian and someone told them they were “limiting themselves” by not eating meat, my first reaction would be, “they said what? WTF??” (this actually did happen, btw).

            • Delilah Wood said, on August 26, 2010 at 12:23 pm

              if someone I knew was a committed vegetarian and someone told them they were “limiting themselves” by not eating meat, my first reaction would be, “they said what? WTF??”

              Yeah, that’s kind of my reaction here. I mean, unless. Are your tastes so specific that you can’t find partners anywhere? It’s one thing if you only like, say, femme lesbians. Plenty of market share there. But if you only like red-headed femme lesbians under 5’8″ who have tattoos of marmots on their asses, then that could be limiting. :)

              What I really mean to say is: you’ve sounded frustrated a lot, and I’m wondering what it is you’re missing. You might indeed do well to broaden your horizons if your ideal partner is a total unicorn. But I’m willing to bet you don’t need to go so far as forcing yourself to desire male-bodied people if you don’t.

              • Carol Anne Caiafa said, on August 27, 2010 at 1:13 pm

                It’s not so much my own tastes that bother me as everyone else’s. I’m aware that in the world, who I am says “You do not mean what you think it means.” I’m aware I come across as weird. I’m a femme and a lolita, but I am in no way submissive.

                I can see some kind of beauty in guys, but what concerns me is if I got a male in my clutches, I’d go too far, hurt him too badly, and not be able to offer him what a straight woman would. I hope you understand that without TMI!!!

                I suppose I could satisfy a straight submissive male in some ways. but it wouldn’t be entirely fair to him. And I do want to be good to someone I play with.

              • Carol Anne Caiafa said, on August 28, 2010 at 6:32 pm

                Sorry, my previous comment must have seemed a bit stupid… typed that when I was fast asleep.

                I actually have had some offers from submissive guys to play with them… and I did get a bit scared off by the “double dare you” attitude I got from them… or maybe it’s just a “fantasies are hungrier than bodies” thing that some people get into when they’re online? I sort of understand that headspace, having experienced it.


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